Submission Guidelines for Spoopdark Magazine

Spoopdark Magazine is open for submissions! To ensure an orderly, safe, and casualty-free submission process, please pay attention to the submission guidelines below!

  1. All submissions must be in a 12-point, serif font, if legal in your jurisdiction.
  2. All submissions must be double-spaced.
    1. Actually, make it triple.
      1. You know what? Just format the story on one line in a long, thin strip.
  3. We accept simultaneous submissions, so long as you notify us if your story is published elsewhere, and you provide us with the full name and home address of the editor who purchased your story.
  4. We are a spoopdark market. We frequently receive works that we would love to publish but cannot because they do not possess the unique aroma of the spoopdark. SUBMISSIONS WITHOUT A SPOOPDARK AROMA WILL BE DISCARDED UNREAD.
  5. Do not ask us what spoopdark is. REQUESTS FOR CLARIFICATION WILL BE DISCARDED UNREAD.
  6. Payment is $0.05 USD per word, payable in an assortment of gift cards to casual dining restaurant chains.
  7. Spoopdark Magazine retains all rights to the story, applicable throughout the universe and until the end of time.
    1. Right revert back to the author on May 21st, 2021. While this could theoretically change, we are fairly certain about this.
  8. Submissions will NOT be accepted unless they conform to the submission guidelines.
    1. All submissions must be emailed. Snail mail will be returned unopened. DO NOT REOPEN ANY MANUSCRIPTS WE RETURN. Please incinerate returned manuscripts and forget everything you hear.
    2. Include in the email your name and contact information as well as a BRIEF bio. This should include key information such as previous publications, MFA programs, blood type, susceptibility to disease, workshops attended, etc.
    3. In order to keep your submission anonymous, please do not send your story as an attachment or include it in the body of the email.
    4. After submitting, SLOWLY stand up from your computer and back away, keeping eye contact with your monitor until you leave the room. You may give a BRIEF curtsy.
  9. It can take up to four weeks to hear back from us. DO NOT query before then. During that time you may see strange patterns in the sky, or voices of deceased loved ones on the roar of the wind. You may feel you have the ability to “see” past the veneer of the universe, and alter perceptions within your time-light. DO NOT INTERACT WITH THESE PHENOMENA OR YOUR STORY WILL BE DISCARDED UNREAD.
  10. What we like:
    1. Stories which venerate casual dining restaurants.
    2. Stories which subtly and artfully reveal the author’s bank account information.
    3. Compliant, malleable writers who know when to stop asking questions.
  11. What we don’t like:
    1. Story tropes we’ve seen before–we can’t tell you how many stories we receive that begin with “You are hereby commanded to appear in the United States District Court…”
    2. Stories which denigrate the casual dining culture of the United States.
    3. Stories that we have already rejected. Typically, writers do not survive our rejection process, so we know something is fishy if we see the same story again.
  12. If your story is accepted for publication, it is imperative that you DO NOT TELL ANYONE. We are serious about this. Do not Tweet about it, do not put it on your blog, do not go to the police. NOBODY MUST KNOW.
  13. Writers will receive one (1) contributor’s copy upon publication, which will be sent in a secure lockbox that must not be opened under any circumstances.

And remember, Spoopdark Magazine is made possible through the diligent efforts of hundreds of “volunteers.” Remember to whisper a prayer of thanks at your next casual dinner out.

Happy submitting!

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